a typical goodnight

After a night of nothingness, besides watching episode after episode of Naruto and waiting for friends to reply.
I take my headphones off.
Close down MySpace and shut down the computer.
On my journey to the other end of the house
I stop at the fridge to get a glass of cold milk and a panadol for the pain in my legs.
I get to my room
put my phone on the charger
maybe send out a message to someone I know wont reply
the tinge of loneliness and cold speedily comes, I roll over and think.....
just think, about everything
all the conversations, my friends and the possibility's
I'm pretty sure everyone does the same thing exactly like I do
I dunno it just seems so special to me
thinking.....
I've been told I'm a thinker before
a friend wished she could be like a fly stuck on fly paper, to my thoughts and imaginations
I thought that very intriguing.
lying in bed waiting for sleep sucks
I'm afraid of sleeping
I don't know why, I just am
so lie there eyes wide open
thinking...
just thinking.......

That confusing life thing.

I hate trying to figure life out. This thing that could be a one shot at everything. I can't understand or fathom existence. Hell, if there is a God. There must be a master plan for us. Either that or we were just created by a big coincidence. But if so then what, what does that mean for us by his perspective. Does he just give us this thing called a bible and put us in a time where society is filled with shallow, judgmental hypocrites, TV stars and action movies? Born, married, kids, die, the end? I can't imagine or contemplate an actual after life, I can't feel it. Life is just so confusing. I can’t wait to be old and wise after having a life's experience at living. I guess we are meant to live not knowing what we are here for, just to live and exist till that final moment when it’s all revealed. Living, loving and then dying.

love i spose

love is strange
love is hard
love is joy
love is pain
love i think in all my thoughts and wisdom is one of the hardest things in this life to interpretate
(besides maths extended)
love on a personal level i say is the way to true happiness
loving another human as an equal
loving those around you just because you can is what keeps the world from destruction
unconditional love is what makes us human and not just beings.
we must love if not just to lose yourself

"Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a Love like that!
—It lights the whole Sky." (Hafiz)

having altruistic love makes a great person
forgiving, compassion and love and a wild heart


thats a nights ramblings for you

fighting, heroes and wanting more

i wish the world was different
don't you?
doesn't everyone?
i wish the world was made of heroes and legends
a reality where i know i could do something, make a difference
but nothing i could do here would help anything
no ammout of training, blogs or love would change anything
they say your the most powerful when your fighting for something, to protect it
but what can we fight for?
real strength comes from within, the yearn to save something
what do we have to save?
our reality sucks
i wish there was a world through guts, determination, bruises, beatings and strength
i could change something, save something or someone.

maybe i've just been watching too much naruto...
or its just the way i am
a destiny?
an attitude that was meant to be for me?
damn i wish in my life somewhere through my existence i could be a hero
then everyone would respect me
maybe the only hero i can be is a good friend
to a hurt friend?
it will have to do......

inspiration

everything
everyday
gives me no inspiration
i'd rather put my head down a desk the whole day than do anything
not just because i'm tired but because i just don't care about it none of it
means nothing
my day trudges on with heavy feet whilst insults and abuse pours
theres nothing to inspire the heart
only beautiful girls and pretty faces




kinda depressing eh
sorry

alone day thoughts (another depressing blog)

its alone day thoughts that has spawned this blog
a girl on msn who i don't really talk to
her mum has died and she's only a bit older than i am but thats so harsh
i can't imagine how she must feel i hope she is ok but i couldn't bare it if that happened to me if it was anything like mum or a good friend
mitch georgie even amy i just don't no how i could handle it
nothing would be the same if they were gone
these people that help me who i talk to everyday that me make me who i am
the ones who always say are you ok when i write depressing things in my status
i couldn't live without them
i'm starting to come to terms with hows precious those close to you are
and also how much harder some have it compared to me for some reason i just think i have it hard but a friend recently told me about all this stuff that i had no idea about
and i was just wow how can you still be so happy and cheerful
she said i only laugh so i don't cry.....
jeeze new look on life much.....

wanna be war hero

war is inevitable
forged through greed hate and deception
a horrible thing that destroys home's, country's and so so
many lives

yet why do we aspire to be someone who fuels it
a soldier
a man with a gun from a town just like yours
taking lives for the sake of his country
for many reasons a man fights
its for his country
its for his family, his kids and his friends
its a family tradition

its to become a man

its for an adventure

as children we fantasise about being a soldier

we shoot our friends with our hands and chickenfeed

gunstaking lives is a game but in reality its death

a cold hard act of sin

yet they still fire at faces of fear and youth

so I will to

I'll carry that gun through bullets and smoke

while the cases drop and the blood spills

I'll wear my flag with pride

the blood of innocence on my fingers will stain

for my friends, my country and my love