alone day thoughts (another depressing blog)

its alone day thoughts that has spawned this blog
a girl on msn who i don't really talk to
her mum has died and she's only a bit older than i am but thats so harsh
i can't imagine how she must feel i hope she is ok but i couldn't bare it if that happened to me if it was anything like mum or a good friend
mitch georgie even amy i just don't no how i could handle it
nothing would be the same if they were gone
these people that help me who i talk to everyday that me make me who i am
the ones who always say are you ok when i write depressing things in my status
i couldn't live without them
i'm starting to come to terms with hows precious those close to you are
and also how much harder some have it compared to me for some reason i just think i have it hard but a friend recently told me about all this stuff that i had no idea about
and i was just wow how can you still be so happy and cheerful
she said i only laugh so i don't cry.....
jeeze new look on life much.....

wanna be war hero

war is inevitable
forged through greed hate and deception
a horrible thing that destroys home's, country's and so so
many lives

yet why do we aspire to be someone who fuels it
a soldier
a man with a gun from a town just like yours
taking lives for the sake of his country
for many reasons a man fights
its for his country
its for his family, his kids and his friends
its a family tradition

its to become a man

its for an adventure

as children we fantasise about being a soldier

we shoot our friends with our hands and chickenfeed

gunstaking lives is a game but in reality its death

a cold hard act of sin

yet they still fire at faces of fear and youth

so I will to

I'll carry that gun through bullets and smoke

while the cases drop and the blood spills

I'll wear my flag with pride

the blood of innocence on my fingers will stain

for my friends, my country and my love

untitled

lately i've had this recurring dream where im simply standing there hugging a girl who is supposably my girlfriend, we just stand there in a hallway her head burried into my chest
i wake up and i feel great i feel warm wholesome and loved,
but then i get a massive wave lonliness because its not real
many a times i've let girls i feel strongly about slip through my fingers before we are even close i've also hurt girls im close to.

i pride myself on being a friend to girls and i don't notice how many i hurt
i try to be a gentleman when i talk to girls and not to be mean but later i realise the pain in the end was unnoticed

(i guess that last paragraph is a load of shit to most of you)

bella said to me the other night that, the dream will become day the girl will be found, she is with the wrong guys at the moment but she will be hurt and that i will be there for her. that made me happy (good ol bella)

so hopefully this year i will find some great love maybe love is sitting just under my nose being subliminal and sneaky waiting to smack me in the face
hopefully that will happen
hopefully....

old age

so its about 12.11 on Friday night well Saturday morning and I’m really bored I just watched a movie umm December boys with harry potter in it, and it really got me thinking (which I do way to often on crap subjects) what will my life me like, as in the end. Death. What will happen shortly before what will my life be like years before it what it will be like when the monitor says only but beeeeeeeeeeep? So I texted some people to try and talk to them about it no reply that’s probably because it’s the earliest morning can be but still is that what my old age be like waking up every morning wondering if it will end that day or the next. not hearing from anyone, from the past, my old friends, sisters the people that shaped my life losing contact and every few weeks getting a call from someone telling me that one of my best friends from childhood had past away then the next it's my favourite teacher and then a sister. Something that just makes me wanna end it myself. And right whilst I’m pondering all this shit, I’m fuckin scared. Right to my very heart my throat feels hoarse..... sleeping will be hard tonightthinking blows sometimes I wish I was retarded like Daniel or something and not think about things.... actually that’s foolish everyone would have thought about death it would be inhuman not to have (<--- that’s off the subject)bye

Where is the love?
Often written on walls, desk and in hiphop songs.
But a great question still. There is no love in peoples heart, minds or actions.
Just selfishness, insults and lies.
Definition of love: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another personA feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
It’s not in Queechy, in society and its not in people.I know I’m being harsh but it’s true not many people go out and say “I going to be loving today”;
I’m going stick up for the less fortunate,spare my changeand make friends with a weird person.
i've done that in a day and had the right attitude about it.
but im no saint, only the true living lovers do it everyday for the right reasons.
and one more question for you
Who loves their enemy's?

so fast!!!

everything moves so fast
if you just sit and watch everything that goes by.
The people that just come and go past you without a care or thought for you.
Everyone concerned with their own agenda.
Sitting and thinking at lunch whilst the basketballer’s run jump and try to ''own'' each other and the groups of girls gossiping and sharing secrets.
She would come over sit next to me, pretend to talk to me. Patronising.
I really wonder if anyone thinks like I do. About society, about how wrong things are in the world, about life, death and higher things than how their make up is and who’s going out with whom.
Why don’t people question thing instead of just following the world agenda.
Life just passing by like that, just sit sometimes in a busy place quieten your mind and consider abnormal things.

^^^^ i don't like it much
Do you?

out of reach

she's out of reach
a finger length away
the lines of communication the only barrier
we both fell niether of us close enough to hold onto eachother
she sits three spots away from me, too far.
i've become unknown to her, like fraction rules you learnt in grade 6
i must move on dwelling will only tear
me the circumstances common and simple the outcome hurtful.
if my confidence my was greater and my strength stronger i could have tried more instead of pondering possible outcomes and endings
things could have been extroardinary